Document and reflect on this final stage of your ambitious project presentation.

My journey to create a body of work which I judged as being good enough has been more difficult than I imagined when I started this process back at the beginning of level 3. By good enough I don’t just mean as a body of work up to the standards of my degree and of getting a good mark. No, I mean in terms of a suitable memorial for my daughter. I have experienced the creative process as a struggle which might be likened as a tug-of-war between the logic of my expanding knowledge of my chosen subject area, the creative impulse to build something which speaks to my inner voice and yet at the same time which fits with my sense of the audience and which does not compromise my own understanding of loss as I struggled to make sense of the death of my daughter.

As part of my process, I wondered how many artists set upon a similar precipice trying to create a sense of balance. Using the experiences of other artists and even of peers involved in their own struggles has helped me. It doesn’t always make things easier but I have awareness that I am not alone and when I lie awake at night thinking. I have a realisation that others struggle with very similar questions as I do in my work. My creative work in level 3 involved a series of test pieces, an exploration of techniques, presentation and extensive use of feedback. In the comfortable environment of university life, I can make such explorations without fear of rejection and in the knowledge that I will be supported. As I move towards the end of my studies a harsher reality awaits me where feedback might not be as cosy. I experienced a taste of this during my residency in July. Interestingly, I have experienced some health scares since then, being tested for cancer and for breathing issues and with a flare-up of my diabetes which has impacted my eyesight.  I experienced a flash of fear with a visit to my doctor and wondered about my major project and how my daughter experienced her illness. Were there things which I hadn’t thought of and which I might have missed as I was too self-absorbed in my project? Such thoughts of a harsher reality in the real world after OCA are things many of us will have to find coping mechanisms and our own ways to deal with. There are thoughts of new threads and opportunities for new works, research and exploration. I also wonder what to do with the skills I have learned. Do I continue my studies perhaps investigating using my skills in different fields? I have wondered, for example, of learning about Art Therapy as a way to put my experiences to practical use. Do I continue my journey in art, creating new works and looking for opportunities for new residencies, competitions, sales and more?

My working title for my exhibition for some time has been “Epitaph” although as I write this I am leaning towards a different choice, “Art at the Edge of Death”.  Does one say any more than the next? Part of me would like to make no choice but it is an expectation that my exhibition will have a name.

My creative tests have slowly started to refine my choices and narrow my narrative and flow. Aside from the choice of artwork, of titles for my work and an introduction for the project, my recent choices have been over the size of my printed work, how this fits with gallery space and the mounting of my work. I have been working on a newspaper zine to accompany my exhibition. This gives me more space to place a selection of my work and some additional text.